My story

To make a long story short (or keep reading below for the long version), I wasted hundreds of dollars and so many hours of my time trying to get the hang of this wig game. I went through wigs that didn't fit well and needed tape or glue, then wigs that got worn out so quickly that the cost wasn't sustainable. I finally got it all figured out, but it was a long road and I wish I had someone to coach me along the way.

I know there are others out there struggling with trichotillmonia who are interested in finding out if alternative hair could work for them, but they're stuck because it's all so intimidating. If this describes you, you've come to the right place. Gather 'round, wig-curious trichsters who don't even know where to start, and I will share what I've learned about wigs to take all the uncertainty out of it in an environment that is supportive of your personal experience. And if you're losing your hair for another reason (or maybe you don't even have hair loss at all and you're just interested in trying something new)- welcome, and please help spread the word and crush the stigma around BFRBs. 

My wig journey started the summer of 2020. My office space, like so many others, closed a few months earlier in March and I ended up working from home full time. As someone who had struggled with trichotillmania since I was 12, being in a room alone for long periods of time led to more pulling. The strategies that had helped me in my regular office setting (such as leaving my personal office door open so that the possibility of people walking by could act as a deterrent) was no help in this situation. Every day, or sometimes multiple times a day, I would clean up the pile of my own hair from the floor around my chair and start all over again. By the summer, my hair was in bad shape. The areas that I pulled from the most had become noticeably thin and the styling tactics that usually worked for me weren’t sufficient now. 

So I set out to a local wig shop to buy my very fist wig. I remember upon walking into the shop, the lady who worked there told me right away that I didn’t want any of the human hair wigs; no, this other section of synthetic wigs was where I should start. The human hair wigs were all black, not my natural hair color, so I eagerly followed her advice and perused the synthetic wigs instead. There was one that looked pretty similar my bio hair color and usual style, so I bough it for about $70, and walked out feeling pretty good about my new hair. Over the next couple of days, though, my excitement turned to disappointment. I noticed that it was too pouffy and full on top. When I was out in public I became very self conscious about the wig, always worried that it was slipping off (it did slip a lot) or that people could tell it was a wig. Then the hair started to become kinky in one area (maybe it was damaged from when I tried to smooth it out with a curling iron... no one told me I couldn’t do that...) and over the next week it just became more and more tangled and damaged. Two weeks in, it was starting to look like a mess and I knew that this was not a long-term solution.

So off to another local wig shop. At this shop, I told the shop owner about my new wig woes and how I needed something different. She told me I needed human hair! And she had plenty to choose from, but I couldn’t try them on (Covid, remember?) and all sales were final. She only carried black human hair wigs - but she told me not to worry, I could dye it lighter if I wanted to, and she was sure I would look great in black anyways. She had one in particular that was marked down to $250 (more than I had intended to spend) that she was sure would be just what I was looking for. A week in, this new human hair wig felt wonderfully silky, but I noticed after I got home that it still didn’t stay put on my head very well and it was definitely not my color. it seemed too small in some ways and too big in other ways. I tried tape to keep it in place, then glue when the tape wouldn’t hold, which ended up being quite a mess at the end of they day to remove. And as for changing the color that I was told would be easy? I asked a professional and it turns out is much harder than just getting an at home dye kit as I was encouraged to do by the wig shop owner. I could have paid to have it professionally dyed, but he couldn't guarantee the results I wanted, and in the end it didn't seem worth putting even more money into a wig that didn't fit well. 

So out I went...again...to find a better wig for me. I was getting progressively warmer. My next wig was a curly synthetic piece that was closer to my bio hair color (but still too dark), and fit better. But the lace was too dark for my skin and it also needed the help of tape/glue/clips to stay put.Next I scheduled a consultation appointment at a local high-end hair loss boutique that offered a variety of solutions from wigs to toppers to units that were semi-permanently installed and worn for a month at a time. There, I tried on a human hair wig that had the silky texture of real hair and a cap that fit me well (no tape or glue required) with a lace front that made it look like the hair was growing right from my own scalp. The price? $4,000 for the basic wig and $5,500 if I wanted the fancier features. Back to the drawing board. 

That's when I found online wig stores, getting even warmer still. The first website I ordered from had free returns, so I ordered several different styles and colors with the intent of keeping only one. This was when I learned that if I was willing to spend a little more, I could get significantly better quality and more realistic looking hair. I had finally found hair that I felt confident enough in to wear to work (at this point I had started to go back in to the office on some days). I thought this was it; I had it all figured out now. 

Fast forward 2 months, my perfect hair was getting worn out, and there was no way it was going to make it the full estimated 3-6 months lifespan. It was starting to get that same kinky texture in a few areas (maybe from reaching into a hot oven...again, I was still learning…), and it also didn't move the same way it had when it was new. At this point, wearing a wig had been so helpful for my pulling that there was no going back- I just needed to figure out a long term solution for my alternative hair. 

I waited for a wig sale and finally took the plunge to spend $1,200 on a human hair wig. It was amazing and I fell in love with human hair for daily use. It actually felt like real hair and moved like real hair. I could run my fingers through it and play with it all day long (it's the fidget I can't drop or leave behind). It tangles less and has lasted longer than my synthetic wigs. If you plan to wear long wigs on a daily basis and you either have or can save up enough to buy a human hair wig, this is the way to go. I’ve continued to refine my preferences from there, checking out what different sellers have to offer, and learn what the well known wig makers (artists, really) do best. 

I’ve been wearing wigs now for over a year and I have learned so much - where to find the best wigs, when to spend the extra cash and when to save my money, how to get a good, secure fit, how to make wigs look more natural, and how to care for wigs. During this journey, I have gained confidence about my new hair and found freedom from the constant battle with myself to manage my pulling. I have often shared that I'm wearing helper hair, and the response has ranged from one of disbelief to curiosity, and sometimes I get a ton of questions from those who have also thought about trying alternative hair. I’ve had 2 hairsylists and one aesthetician (who wore wigs herself) tell me they never would have guessed that I was wearing a wig. So far, reactions have been overwhelmingly positive and I haven't had a single negative or disparaging comment about my hair.

I eventually cut my long (but thin) bio hair short and donated it. Wigs have become a hobby for me and I love them so much that I expect I'll continue, with or without a full head of bio hair. Wearing wigs really cuts down on the time I spend getting ready in the morning and I love being able to change the color, length, or style on the weekends. My hope is that I can use what I have learned along the way to help others learn how to make alternative hair work for them and see all the benefits it has to offer!